The Mary Sue from Mordor
by maniacalsabrewielder
Summary: This is a story compiled of the most common Mary Sue cliches found in the LotR fandom. Please read, amuse yourselves, and perhaps leave a review to tell me what you think. Rating is for me not knowing where my crazy mind will take me. Enjoy! It's Back!
1. Chapter 1

So, this is my first attempt at a LotR fic. This was meant to be funny, so please don't think I am making fun of LotR itself. I am only trying to amuse you, my readers, with a story compiled of all the most common Mary Sue clichés out there.

Disclaimer: I don't own or make a profit off of the brainchild of J.R.R. Tolkien. I simply enjoy it and hope to amuse people. Please don't take me away (although I have heard that the food in the asylums is rather good).

Here we go!

Chapter 1: Introducing Vanariel, Otherwise Known as The Mary Sue from Mordor

She sat in the river garden of Imladris day after day. Her long, lusciously straight black hair hung in her face, hiding her beautiful emerald green eyes, which were highlighted with hints of silver. Now, as every day, her eyes held tears. Silent tears, but tears nonetheless (She never had learned to make her tears cry). This brought another wave of beautiful, crystalline tears streaming down her face (of course you know that her face never got red or blotchy. That would ruin the effect, don't you think?). She cried like this because she could not bear the thought of all the poor, fluffy little squirrels that were displaced by the building of Mordor (the thought that those squirrels were now happily living their mentally disturbed lives in Fangorn Forest now did not cross her mind). Elrond looked out his study window on his younger daughter. He was concerned for her. She'd always had such a connection with small furry things (she could not stand the thought of the dust bunnies that resided under her bed being dusted. Thinking of this never failed to send her running to Elrond in tears).

So, there's the first chapter, please read and review. If you don't like it please be kind enough to tell me to crawl back into the hole from which I came. Just Kidding, I really don't mind flames; they will be used for the amusement of my other personalities. So yeah, ummm… review, I will be heart broken if you don't and will have to cry in the garden with Vanariel.

Me the Maniac


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! I'm back! I'm so excited! Thank you to my two reviewers: ladyAlyafaelyn and HinataSakura. I hope this chapter will be just as funny. And maybe a bit longer, if my muses (ha! More like plot bunnies running around in my head wreaking havoc wherever they go!) can get it together. So anyway, here we go again:

Chapter 2: Will That Elleth Ever Stop Crying?

Elrond had a sudden thought: maybe if he brought her to the Council the next day she would stop crying. Well, it was an idea.

Vanariel was still sitting in the garden when she, with her super special elf senses, heard hoof beats. She stopped crying for a moment (WOW it's a miracle!) to go investigate. As she neared the gates she saw:

"Arwen isn't that Glorfindel's horse?" Her face wore a confused look (of course her face wore it, isn't her face everything?).

"Not anymore it isn't! You won't tell Daddy, will you Ella (Of course she has a nickname, wouldn't want to always be saying Vanariel over and over now would you?), I just had to see Aragorn!" Arwen was the real sister, she would never sit around crying for the poor defenseless dust bunnies (there we go with the bunnies again! They just won't stop!), she would fight for them! Sometimes Vanariel wondered where Arwen got that from: not from Elrond, he was a scholar; not from the twins, they were troublemakers. Must be from Aragorn! He was so warlike. Vanariel was puzzling over this (very prettily too I might add) when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

Well, I guess the "muses" coughcough _plot bunnies _ weren't up to working very hard. Maybe I should pay them. Any ways, sorry for the cliffy, I just couldn't help myself. You know that sudden urge to be evil that just has to be acted upon! Anyone have any ideas for who tapped our beautiful, perfect Vanariel (haha, perfect except for those missing brain cells!) on the shoulder?

Please review and you might get your name listed. You'll get more story! Pretty Pleeease?

Me the Maniac


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, another chapter. I'm very sorry about not updating, but it was finals week.

Thanks to:

Me (anonymous)

Fili

HinataSakura

Luthien thranduiliel

ALCORE MORTIS (aka the screeching watermelon)

Nerds Freak

Thanks for all your reviews! They are what I feed my plot bunnies to keep them working (it's a good thing)! So, here you go, you finally get to find out who tapped her on the shoulder.

Chapter three: Glomping Glorfy

She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around.

"Glorfy!" She cried and glomped him (conveniently forgetting that she was a lady, he was a lord, and the fact that this sort of behavior is **never** appropriate in any situation).

"Milady," he replied after recovering from the shock of such Mary Sue like behavior (duh, Glorfindel, she is one!) from a daughter of Elrond (apparently the glomp made him forget what story he is presently in. Me: "I'm so sorry Glorfindel! I had to do it! sobs uncontrollably ) . "Milady, your father requests your presence at his council tomorrow."

Ella only heard the words "your, presence, and council," and she was gone (mentally, of course). After a zoney "Oh, thanks Glorfy!" she wandered off thinking as hard as her limited mental capacity allowed.

Sorry again about the short chapters but I'm beginning to believe that the evil plot bunnies are conspiring against me.

Please review!

Me the Maniac


	4. Chapter 4

Hi guys! Sorry about not updating sooner! I just want to thank all my lovely reviewers! You people keep this fic going! So thank you thank you thank you! And I know there is no excuse for not updating, so I will try to make this a good one.

Chapter 4: Vanariel's Thoughts

As Ella wandered away from Glorfindel she thought about why her father would want her to be involved in the Council (maybe he wanted to get rid of her?). She twirled a beautiful black lock around her finger as she thought. First her thoughts were occupied with finding a place to sit and ponder (she couldn't walk and think at the same time). Once she got to her favorite seat in the river garden she began pondering. At first she thought that maybe her father wanted her to protect the ring bearer. But that couldn't be it as she had been banned from the practice grounds after almost chopping her own head off (this happened not through lack of skill but through sheer stupidity. She didn't think through what would happen if she didn't stop her sword swing on time.). Maybe he thought she could distract the men from the Ring? But she wasn't that sort of girl and Elrond knew that. Maybe he wanted her to go along and represent the poor squirrels… the men folk certainly wouldn't think of that! That must be it. Now to think of a way to bring it up without crying and humiliating herself. Just thinking of the poor things had brought on another bout of tears (again, will the elleth never stop crying?)

Well that's as far as my imagination will go today. A few questions:

Does our dear Ella fall for Legolas or wait for Haldir?

How shall she act at the council? Will she be obnoxious or should she be fawned over by the men?

Does she become a member of the Fellowship, follow discreetly at a distance, or go ahead to wait for them at Lorien? (Ah the scorn of Galadriel would be a wonderful thing)

So if you could give me your opinions in your reviews I would appreciate it. Sorry again for not updating sooner!

Me the Maniac


	5. Chapter 5

I have been re-inspired by the wonderfully evil and frustrating plot bunnies, so I will do my best to continue with my Mary-Sue bashing (please feel free to join in a moment of silence for the poor abused characters, plotlines, and helpless, hopeless, homeless plot bunnies out there.). I give no guarantees of regular updates, and the chapters will not be very long, but know that I try.

And we re-enter the scene to find our graceful, beautiful, and slightly challenged heroine in her closet, lamenting the lack of a dress to wear to the council.

"Shall I wear the green one? Or maybe the blue, what do you think, Tree?"

Ella's handmaiden -whose true name is not yet determined, but who our lovely heroine calls Tree, for lack of an imagination with which to come up with a better nickname- sighed and pointed out to her mistress the lack of a clean, tearstain less dress for the fifth time. However, our heroine did not despair:

"Daddy is sure to have a suitable dress! After all, we wear the same size and he has a strange unexplained cross dressing habit which I am not bright enough to question!!!!"

Tree (any suggestions for a name?) sighed again, turned around, and walked out the door. She took the time to say her farewells to Glorfindel, then continued walking straight out of Rivendell and made it home to Lorien in time for supper (I don't know how she did it, but I will assume some sort of warp in the time-space continuum).

Ella was left standing dumbly in her closet. A moment later, she awakened from her stupor (no, sadly not the permanent one.) and proceeded to run to her father's suite and raid his closet. She returned from this crusade triumphant, her father's favorite purple dress clutched in her hands…

I'm terribly sorry for the hiatus, but hopefully I can get back on track. Please review so I know how I did. Thanks! And don't forget to suggest a name for "Tree" who will return at a later point.


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